Currently Listening Icky Thump By The White Stripes see related

and this is baby ava rose travis.

so manythings have happened over this past month....
my feelings and thoughts on everything? i'm glad that summer is over.
i was gone from my house for a month, i did something that i semi-regret, i danced my heart out, i became closer to a friend of mine, i spilt my heart to another, i became an aunt, i furthered the process of growing up, i decided that people sometimes just aren't worth it, i learned to love regardless, i realized that people aren't perfect- even the ones that you look up too, and i laughed so hard.

and now i'm told that i must go back to dallas against my own will.
grant it, i woud love to see my niece, but i really don't want to go.
grant it, i would love to see the bff, allison... but i really don't want to go!
why? i couldn't tell you... other than i the fact that i really just want to stay home.
how selfish of me.

jessica came and went. katherine is leaving next week. blake is coming back next week.
i sometimes wish that the good things could just stay the same, but all the stupidity of people and circumstances would just fade away. ahhh, i'm so unrealistic sometimes.

my parents almost called the police to start looking for me last night. i didn't answer my phone any of the 300 times they called and it was about, ohhhh 3am. so i scared them really bad and i feel bad for that. i was standing outside of joseph's house just talking... so don't think i was in a denof sin or anything. but so... that was a fun night last night.

in a month and a week, i will be 20.
ollllld.

and i'll leave on this....
i hate guilt trips.

*edit*

i make myself sick with just how selfish i am sometimes. how unwilling i tend to be. i always talk about sacrificial love and yet i never want to show that kind of love... only recieve it.

Jesus, help me die to myself.